Ally Perez of Maryland, joined the 2014 African Road Learning Trip to Rwanda and Burundi. Her terrific blog posts capture some of the experiences, relationships and new insights she gained on this learning journey.
As I sit in my Burundi hotel room with electricity, hot water, and a breakfast buffet, I can’t help but think about the Batwa people from the villages that we visited yesterday and how much all of the above would change their lives. It seems simple. Food, water, shelter, and education. Bibbity Bobbity Boop! Just like that.
However, I am beginning to understand that just waving a magic wand does nothing to affect true change. This may be a stretch but I would argue that the dress, shoes and stagecoach given to Cinderella by her fairy godmother were simply tools, a resource to use for the moment. It was up to her what she did with those tools. The magic the benevolent godmother provided was only a temporary solution to a long term problem. When the clock struck midnight, everything went right back to the way it was. If it wasn’t for Cinderella’s heart, her kindness, her inner beauty, as well as her ingenuity (dropping that shoe was a classic.. pun intended) then nothing would have really changed. It was with the intangible that things began to happen and the magic of the story really begins. It started with the longing for something more. The pulling in her heart that wanted to change her individual story for the better. The hope that made her believe it. She wasn’t miserable, she didn’t lose her soul, she still sang, danced and enjoyed life as much as was in her power to do so. It was just a much harder life to live, before she met her prince.
Cinderella’s story all began with a relationship. A relationship with someone who knew her better than anyone else, her very own fairy godmother. This magical being knew her heart and her joy but also knew of her suffering. Her fairy godmother was able to see an opportunity, give her the tools she needed and off she went. It was a strong friendship, a blossoming love and sincere hope that changed her circumstances. Leaving the shoe for the prince to find was using what she was given as a creative solution in order to change things. It was a risk, a gamble, but a smart one. Her prince came back for her, because of that connection, and her situation changed. She used something tangible she was given in combination with what intangibles she already had, in order to rise up from the situation that she found herself in. It didn’t happen overnight but it did happen. The wand is not where the true magic lies. It is not the act of waving it that matters. It is the heart that changes things.
Before you mock me, I realize that there are a lot of holes in this analogy and it is incredibly simplistic. If you will, however, allow me to make the jump to using this scenario for the explanation of how sometimes the wrong type of giving hurts, rather than heals. Sometimes, charity can be toxic if not done right. Although it would be easier and more self gratifying to jump in and save the world, the way in which we chose to give, needs to be well thought out and empowering, rather than enabling. Sometimes our rush to fix can backfire if it is not done with relationship building, holding hands in the chaos and acceptance that this is their problem, not ours. The solution needs to be adequate for them, not for us. If we are at all human, we are guilty of wanting someone to “see the light” and do things the way we do them. We automatically self identify and self obsesses. We imagine that everyone needs to be just like us. When we wave the magic wand in order to jump automatically to the end result, we lose the story in the process. I’m not saying that we shouldn’t help or we shouldn’t give. Quite the opposite. I’m saying giving is not the same thing as rescuing. Cinderella’s fairy godmother gave her the tools, she did not give her the solution.
Being an American, a white woman, with a Kate Spade purse, a diamond ring and clean clothes on, it can feel a bit like you should be a genie and do whatever you can to solve these problems that are so devastating. Blink three times in a row and it’s done! Just like that! It’s hard to understand why it’s not healthy to throw cash in the air, and give them everything I think they need so that it doesn’t have to be hard anymore. A part of me still thinks I should be doing that. However, that’s not what a true fairy godmother does. Instead of a quick fix, how about a different approach. What if we build a relationship, a connection, with the poor first. Then we provide resources or tools necessary and appropriate to the situation at hand. I’m not quite arrogant enough to suggest that I might be even slightly like a fairy godmother. I guess what I’m really saying is that the idea of how fairy godmothers work is not what I originally thought. They are not a genie in a bottle. I can’t lump all magical creatures together in one category. If you get anything from this post, I hope you at least carry that simple distinction with you from now on. It is incredibly important.
African Road has been partnering with a wonderful young man named Everiste, and his foundation for the Batwa people of Burundi. Everiste grew up in a straw hut. He was singled out as a leader and was supported by a donor in order to finish his education at University. He is now a member of Parliament and spends his life paving the way for the Batwa people. The indigenous people of East Central Africa, who are marginalized and mistreated. They are hungry, they are poor, they don’t have an easy life. However, after meeting with a village yesterday, they are now my friends. While I can’t bring money to throw in the air, I can bring them friendship. I can bring their story to the rest of the world. Through connections, through friendships, support and through creative solutions to this problem, we can hopefully give them the tools they need to rise up from the inside out. To use their resources that they have been given and that they have already, to better their life for themselves and for generations to come. What I no longer believe is that I am responsible for the world’s problems, nor can I solve them. That would only gratify me. It would do nothing to empower or change anyone, let alone the world or it’s circumstances. The most important thing that I can do is to walk with them, to provide them with the tools to make their own dreams a reality, using forethought and connection. They might need a pencil in order to create a better story, but I cannot write it for them. When you give money out of your pocket, the pocket becomes empty. When you give love from your heart, it grows bigger and grows friends.
Poverty is complex. I’m not suggesting that there is only one way to alleviate it or that it even can be. However, I want to share with you the story of the Batwa people. Because they have touched me deeply and I hope they touch you as well. My next post will be one that shares their life, their history and the steps that they are taking towards a better life. I’ll give you a teaser: I saw FORTY weddings in one day and each one was incredibly special!
Bibbitty Boppity Boop!
This posting was originally posted on Ally Perez’ blog at http://www.mytwopenniesworth.org/2014/11/02/acinderellastory/. She posted other reflections from this trip on her blog as well.